Life’s deepest meaning is not found in accomplishments or trophies but in relationships.
Forgiveness is the way of love.
Love makes requests, not demands.
Love is always given freely.
The précis is on a book titled “The Five Love Languages-The Secret Love That Last,” by Gary D. Chapman. This fascinating book divulges into the mystery we call “love.” I explore some great information that has made me a better recipient and a better giver of love. I hope you will be as moved as I was while reading this book.
The word “love” has so many profound and interesting components that it would take a scribe 500 years to write down every situation in which love is shown to others. Similarly, people speak different love languages. There are five emotional love languages–five ways that people speak and understand emotional love. There are many dialects and variations within the five basic emotional love languages.
Keeping the Love Tank Full
Love is a critical word in the English language–and the most confusing. Many psychologists have concluded that humans need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need. We will climb mountains, cross seas, travel across desert sand, and endure unbelievable hardships. Without love non can be compilable, seas unprofitable, deserts unbearable, and hardships to intense to withstand in life.
We first have to agree that the word love permeates human society both historically and in the present and likely so the most confusing word. We used it represent a multitude of things. We consistently say, “We love our pets,” and in the next breath, “we love the Green Bay Packers.” We speak of loving activities: cycling, hunting, or fishing. We love objects: food, cars, or clothes. We love nature: trees, grass, or flowers. We love people: mother, father, son, daughter, a significant other, or friends. Most importantly, we fall in love with love.
If that is not confusing enough, we use the word “love” to explain behavior. In a tumultuous relationship the phrase, “I did it because I love you.” A parent indulges the children’s wishes, calling it love. A family therapist would call it your responsible parenting. A wife of an alcoholic picks up the pieces after her husband’s latest episode. She calls it love, but the psychologist called it codependency. What is loving behavior?
The point of this book is to focus on that kind of love that is essential to our emotional health. Child psychologists affirm that every child has certain basic emotional needs that must be met if he or she is to be emotionally stable. Among those needs, none is more basic than the need for love and affection and a need for belonging and is wanted. With an adequate supply of affection, the child will likely develop into a responsible adult. Without that love, your child will be emotionally and socially challenged. Emphasizing this point “and that every child is an “emotional tank” waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he or she will develop normally, but when the tank is empty, a child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the craving of an empty “love tank.” In other words, these misbehaviors was a result of an empty tank.
The emotional need for love is not simply a childhood phenomenon. The need follows us into adulthood and into marriage. The “in-love” experience temporarily meets that need but it is a quick fix and has a limited life span. After we come down from the “in-love” obsession; the emotional need for love resurfaces because it is fundamental to human nature. We need love before we “fall in love,” and we will need it as long as we live. We need to feel loved by one’s spouse is at the heart of all marital desires. Everyone needs emotional love!
Our Cry for Love
Something in human nature cries out to be loved by another. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. A key principle of human existence is the desire to be intimate and to be loved by another. Marriage is designed to meet that need for love and intimacy and that is why written in biblical writings spoke of the husband and wife becoming “one flesh.” It meant that they would enter into each other’s lives in deep and intimate ways.
If love is so important to humans it can also be hard to find. Some married couples share his or her secret pain, others have said that it would be unbearable, or their behavior patterns or misbehavior of the spouse was destroying the marriage. Some have said there’s no want to be married anymore. Some have said, “our love is gone; our relationship is dead. We used to feel close, but not now. We no longer enjoy being with each other. We don’t meet each other’s needs.” All of these bear testament to the idea of “love tanks.”
Could it be deep down in hurting couples exists an invisible ”emotional love tank” with its gauge on empty? Think about the misbehavior, withdrawal, harsh words, and critical spirit occurrence because of that empty tank? If we could find a way reignite the flame could the marriage be reborn? Could we rebuild a couple’s emotional climate where it is possible to discuss differences and conflicts? Could that idea of a tank be the key that makes marriages work?
Drawing a comparison to something that every adult has used once in his or her life is a car. So if we look at our emotional love tank similar to that of an automobile’s proper level we see that running a marriage on empty may cost even more than trying to drive a car without oil. Yes, we all are on a quest to seek love.
The waiting room of heaven
At its peak the “in love” experience is euphoric. We are emotionally obsessed with one another. We go to sleep and rise thinking about one another. We long to be together. Spending time together is like playing in the waiting room of heaven. When we hold hands, seems as if our blood flows together. We could kiss forever if we don’t have to go to school or work. When we embrace, time seems to stand still.
Dr. Dorothy Tennov conducted a longitudinal study on the in love phenomenon. She found that the “in love” experience lasted approximately 2 years. We all come down from the relationship “highs”and we now see the warts on another person. The endearing quarks become annoying remarks. A sharp sense of humor now becomes hurtful wounds. Those disabilities we overlooked when we were in that “in love” phase become huge problems.
Welcome to the real world of marriage. The partners hairs are left on the sink and little white spots cover the mirror. Discussions center not on “where we should eat tonight?” But “why didn’t you get milk?” The bills, in-laws, and children, are for attention, as a where routine and resentment can sign we either way at the love we once had. In this world, a look can hurt and a word can crush. Intimate lovers become enemies, and marriage a battlefield.
Why doesn’t the “in love” phenomenon last forever? Because people who are “in love” lose interest in other pursuits. That is why it is called an obsession. The euphoria of the “in love” phase gives us the idea that we have an intimate relationship. We belong to each other. We believe our problems can be conquered. We feel altruistic towards each other. Such obsession gives us a false sense of our egocentric attitudes have been eradicated and we have some sort of Mother Teresa in us to give to our lover. The reason why we can do this is because we without a doubt believe our lover feels the same way towards us.
This type of thinking is unrealistic. We fail to recognize the reality of human nature. By nature, we are egocentric! Our world revolves around us! No one is totally altruistic. The heightened emotions felt during the “in love” stage only gives us that illusion. Little by little, the illusion of intimacy evaporates and individuals desires, emotions, thoughts, and behavior patterns assert themselves. They are two individuals. Their minds have not become intertwined and the emotions mingled only briefly in the ocean of love. Now the waves of reality began to separate them. They fall out of love, a point where they withdraw, separate, divorce, and set off in search of a new “in love” experience, OR they begin the excruciating work of learning to love each other without the euphoric feeling during the “in love” obsession. Data shows that couples who believe that the “in love” experience has ended they conclude only two options: resign themselves to a life of misery with their spouse or jump ship and try again. Perhaps we should examine the data even further; the divorce rate of a second marriage is higher than divorce rates of first marriages. The divorce rate in third marriages is even higher!
From ”in love” to REAL love
Research seems to indicate that there is a third and better alternative! We recognize the “in love” experience for what it is-a temporary emotional high-and now we pursue “REAL LOVE” is with our spouse. The kind of love is emotional but not obsessional. It is a love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of will and requires discipline, and a recognizes the need for personal growth! Our basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to genuinely loved by another. It is important to recognize that this love grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving.
This type of love requires EFFORT and DISCIPLINE. It is a choice to expend energy in an effort to benefit the other person, knowing that if his or her life is enriched by your effort,you will find a sense of satisfaction-satisfaction of having genuinely loved another. In fact, true love cannot begin until the “in love” experience has run its course. We cannot take credit for the kind and generous things we do while we are “in love” phase. Because we are pushed beyond and carried along by the initial force that goes beyond our normal behavior patterns. But, if we returned to the real world of human choice, we can choose to be kind and generous and this is real love. It is good news that a married couple has lost all their “in love” feelings. If love is a choice, then they have the capacity to love after the “in love” stage has ended.
This new kind of love begins with an attitude-a way of thinking. Love is the attitude that says “I am married to you, and I choose to look out for your interests.” Then the one who chooses to love will find appropriate ways to express that decision. Many might be confused at the thought of love being an attitude. “Where are the shooting stars, the deep emotions, the spirit of anticipation, the twinkle in the eye, and the excitement of sex?” What about the emotional security of knowing I am number one in his or her mind? This book is about how we meet each other’s deep, emotional need to feel loved. If we can learn it and choose to do it, then the love we share will be exciting beyond anything we ever felt when we were infatuated.
When the spouses emotional love tank is full and he or she feels secure in your love, the world looks brighter and your spouse will move out to reach his or her highest potential in life. But when the tank is empty he or she feels used but not love, the world becomes darker and he or she will never reach his or her potential for good in the world….
Love Language #1- Words of Affirmation(WoF)
One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up. Many couples have never learned the tremendous power of verbally affirming each other. For example, you look dazzling today! What would happen to the emotional climate of a marriage if the husband and wife heard such words of affirmation regularly?
Let us say you want your spouse to do something for you. In this case, cooking a meal. There are two suggestions that I can give. One is don’t ever mention cooking again. If he or she knows of this act then STOP mentioning it. The next time she or he does anything good, give a verbal complement! In other words, verbal complements are far greater motivators than nagging ones.
Giving verbal compliments is one way to express words of affirmation your spouse. Another dialect is encouraging words. The word encourage means, “to inspire courage.” All of us have areas in which we feel insecure. We lack courage, and that lack of courage often hinders us from accomplishing the positive things that we would like to do. It just may take those encouraging words from someone to feel inspired enough to take the first step in the arduous process of getting published.
Please note: do not pressure your spouse to do something YOU want. Talk about encouraging him or her to develop an interest they already have. Until he or she has those desires, the words will come across as judgmental and guilt inducing. They express not love but rejection.
Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. We must first learn what is important to our spouse. Only then can we give encouragement. With verbal encouragement, we are trying to communicate, “I know, I care, and I am with you. How can I help?” We are showing that we believe in the abilities of your spouse. We’re giving credit and praise!
We have more potential than we will ever develop. What holds us back is often courage. A loving spouse can supply that all-important catalyst. It is very important to recognize one’s own behavior patterns (e.g., condemning or critical words) that will take great effort for you to learn a second language, but I assure you it will be well worth the effort.
Love is kind. If we are to communicate love verbally we must use kind words. In other words, it has to do with the way we speak to the other person. The statement, “I love you,” when said with kindness and tenderness, can be a genuine expression of love but when the tone of voice says, “I love you?” The question mark changes the whole meaning of those three words. Sometimes our words say one thing, but our tone of voice or nonverbal cues stay another. We are sending two messages. If that wasn’t confusing enough?
“I would be delighted to do [insert command or choir],” said in a harsh manner is not a good expression of love. On the other hand, we should and can share our pain, sadness, and even anger in a timely manner, and that will be expression of love. For example, “I felt disappointed that you did not offer to help me,” said with a gentle directedness can be an expression of love. The person speaking wants to be known by his or her spouse. They are taking steps to build intimacy by sharing his or her feelings. They are asking for an opportunity to discuss a hurt in order to find healing. The words expressed in a loud and cruel tone is an expression of condemnation and judgment, not love.
The manner at which we speak is exceedingly important. A well-known mantra is, “a soft answer turns away anger.” When your spouse is angry and upset and lashing out words of heat, if you choose to be loving, you will not reciprocate with additional heat with a soft voice. You shall receive what they saying as information about their emotional feelings. You will let them tell you of the hurt, anger, and perception of events. You will put yourself into their shoes and see the event through their eyes and then express softly and kindly your understanding of why they feel this way.
Love does not keep a score of rights or wrongs. Love does not bring up failures. No one is perfect. We only can confess it and agree that it was wrong. We cannot erase the past. We can only confess it and agreed that it was wrong. We can ask for forgiveness and try to act differently in the future. I can only can mitigate the hurt that it may have caused my spouse. When your spouse has wronged you, you have two options, seek justice or forgiveness. If you seek justice to pay them back for the wrongdoing. It makes intimacy impossible. If, however, I choose to forgive, intimacy can be restored. Forgiveness is the way of love.
The best thing we can do with the failures of the past is let them be history. Yes, it happened, certainly, it hurt. We cannot erase the past, but we can accept it as history. We can choose to live today free from the failures of yesterday. Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy, not to hold the offense up against the offender. Forgiveness is an expression of love.”I love you. I care about you, and I choose to forgive you. Even though my feelings of hurt may linger, I will not allow the what has happened to come between us. I hope we can learn from this experience. You are not a failure because you have done something wrong. You are my spouse and together we will go on from here.”
Love makes requests, not demands. When you are demanding things, you become the parent and your spouse the child. In marriage, we are equal adult partners. We are not perfect but we are adults and we are partners. If we are to develop an intimate relationship, we need to know each other’s desires. If we wish to love each other, we need to know what the other person wants. The way we express those desires is even more important than saying them.
If they come across as demands, we have erased the possibility of intimacy and will drive our spouse away. If, however, we make our needs and desires known in the form of a request, we are giving guidance, not ultimatums. When you are making requests of our spouse, you are affirming his or her worth and abilities. In other words, you are indicating that they have or can do something that is meaningful and worthwhile to you. When you make demands, however, you are making your spouse feel not affirmed but belittled. A request offers the possibility of CHOICE. Your mate may choose to respond to your request or deny it, because love is always a CHOICE. That is why it’s meaningful. To know that my spouse loves me enough to respond to one of my requests communicates emotionally that they care about me, respects me, admires me, and wants to do something to please me. Thus, a request creates a possibility for an expression of love, whereas a demand erases that possibility.
Love Language #2- Quality Time (QT)
By “QUALITY TIME,” means giving someone your undivided attention. I don’t mean sitting on the couch watching television together. I mean sitting on the couch facing each other and just talking. Devices are put away, giving each other your undivided attention. It could mean taking a walk, just the two of you, or going out to eat and looking at each other and talking.
Time, these days, is a precious commodity. We all have multiple demands on our time, YET each of us had the exact same hours in a day. We can still make most of them hours by committing some of them to our spouse. If you’re spouses primary love language is QT, they simply want you with them, spending time together. Provided it is the right kind of time.
Next time you are at a restaurant, pay attention to to people sitting across from one another. A dating couple looks at each other and talks, whereas, a married couple sits there and gazes around the restaurant. You think they went there to eat! Here is a helpful suggestion: when at a restaurant, give your spouse 20 minutes of your undivided attention and your spouse to do the same. We will never have those 20 min. Again; we are giving our lives to each other. It is a powerful emotional communicator of love.
A key ingredient is giving your spouse QT is giving focus attention on them. QT does not mean that you have to gaze into each other’s eyes. It means that we are doing something together and we are giving our full attention to the other person. The activity in which we engage in is incidental. The important thing emotionally is that we are spending focused time with each other. The activities are a vehicle that creates a sense of togetherness.
For example, a husband and wife going running together, if it is genuinely quality time, they will focus not on the run but on the fact that they are spending time together. What matters most is what happens on the emotional level is what matters. Spending our time together is a common pursuit communicates that we care about each other and we enjoy doing things each with each other, and we like doing things together.
Quality Conversation (QC)
Quality Conversation= a SYMPATHETIC (kind or caring) DIALOGUE is where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. Uninterrupted means everything (e.g., cell phone, computer, or remote-control) is not near a person. Furthermore, your partner and you are staring into each other’s eyes. The type of dialogue exchange is crucial to one’s emotional sense of being loved.
Quality conversation (QC) is quite different from the first love language. WoA focuses on what we are saying, whereas QC focuses on what we’re hearing. A person must focus on drawing the person out, listening sympathetically to what is being said. This individual ask questions, not in a badgering manner but in a genuine desire to understand your thoughts, feelings, and desires. Many people just want someone to listen, to give your attention, to let him or her know that you understand the hurt, the stress, and the pressure. This person wants to know that you love them and you are with them. We often forget that marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to be solved. A relationship calls for listening with a view to understand AND APPRECIATE the other person’s thoughts, feelings, needs and desires. We must be willing to give advice ONLY when it is requested and never in a condescending manner. Many of us have little training in listening. We are more effective in thinking and speaking.
Key tips for QC
- Maintain eye contact when listening. Keeps your mind from wandering and communicates that he or she has your full attention.
- Do not listen to someone and do something else. MATTER HOW GOOD YOU THINK YOU ARE AT MULTITASKING. QT is giving someone your undivided attention. Be truthful. A positive approach might be, “I know you’re trying to talk to me and I am interested but I want to give you my full attention. I cannot do this right now, but if you give me 10 min. To finish this, I will sit down and listen to you.”
- Listen for feelings. Ask yourself, “what emotion is being experienced?” When you think you know the answer, confirm it. It gives a chance to to clarify the feelings. And also it communicates that you are listening intently to what he or she is saying.
- Observe body language. Sometimes body language speaks one message while words speak another. Asked for clarification.
- Refuse to interrupt. RESEARCH indicates that the average individual listens for only 17 seconds before interrupting and interjecting their own ideas. My goal is to discover your thoughts and feelings. My objective isn’t to defend myself or to set you straight. It is to understand YOU.
Listening to Talk
QC requires sympathetic listening and SELF-REVELATION. In order to feel loved and individual must learn to reveal himself or herself when listening. In each of life’s events, we have emotions, thoughts, desires, and eventually actions. The expression of that process is called SELF-REVELATION. If you choose to learn the love dialect of quality conversations, that is the learning road you must follow.
Another dialect of a QC is quality activities (QA). Do you feel most loved when your spouse and yourself are doing things you like to do and they like to do? The emphasis is being together, doing things together, giving each other undivided attention. The emphasis is NOT on what you are doing but on why you’re doing it. The purpose is to experience something together, and to walk away from it feeling like, “he or she really cares about me. Here she was willing to do something with me that I enjoy, and did it with a positive attitude. These activities are limited only by your interest and willingness to try new experiences. (1) at least one of you wants to do it, (2) the other is willing to do it, (3) both of you know why you’re doing it– to express love by being together. In turn, one of the byproducts of the QA are photos that will provide a memory bank for the years ahead.
Love Language #3- Receiving Gifts
From the Eskimos in the northern tundra to the aboriginal Ainus of Japan to the Mayans and the Aztecs cultures gift giving was a part of love-marriage process. No matter what the gift (e.g., a green coconut or a crooked stick) is in some cultures it is a definite sign of love. The gift itself is a symbol of thought. It does not matter whether it cost money. What is important is the thought that has been implemented only in the mind that counts but the thought expressed is actually securing a gift and giving it as an expression of love.
The visual symbol of love are more important to some people than others. You can purchase a beautiful card for less than five dollars or you can make one for free but what matters most is the giving. Gifts need not to be expensive. Where do you begin? Make a list of all against your spouse has expressed excitement about receiving through the years. If he or she has been critical of your gifts in the past and almost nothing you have given has been acceptable than receiving gifts is almost certainly not the person’s primary love language.
The Gift of Self
There is intangible gift that sometimes speaks more loudly than a gift that can be held in one’s hand. The gift you are giving it is the gift of self or the gift of presence. Being there when your spouse needs to speaks loudly to the one who primary languages is receiving gifts. Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give to your spouse. Your body becomes a symbol of love. If the physical presence of your partner is important to you, I highly suggest you verbalizing that to him or her. All five love languages challenges us to give, but for some, visible symbols of love speaks the loudest. For some individuals, their work has nothing to do with momentary value and everything to do with love.
him him him him him him
Acts of Service (AoS) is doing things you know your significant other would like you to do. You seek to please him or her by serving them. These AoS could be cooking a meal, setting a table, emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming, changing the baby’s diaper, picking up a prescription, keeping the car in operating condition, paying the bills, trimming the shrubs, walking the dog, and dealing with the landlords and insurance companies. They require thought, planning, time, effort, and energy. If done with a positive spirit they are indeed an exuberant expression of love. In other words, by doing AoS that is a clear message that “I was thinking of you. You were with me, even when you are gone.”
We can request things of each other but never demanding anything. Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love. Here are three observations that may help:
First is illustrate clearly what you both do for each other before marriage is no indication of what you will do after marriage. Before marriage, we are carried along by the force of the in-love obsession. After marriage, we revert to being the people we were before we “fall in love.” Our actions are mostly influenced by the model of our parents; our personalities; our perceptions of love; our emotions, needs, and desires. The only one thing that is certain about our behavior: it will not be the same behavior exhibited when we were caught in being “in love.”
Second is love is a CHOICE and can never be coerced. Criticism and demands tend to drive wedges between each other. With enough criticism you may get acquiescence or silence from your significant other. He or she may do what you want but probably is not an expression of love. You can give guidance to love by making requests. If requests are made our love most effective emotionally. Each of us decide DAILY whether we choose to love or not love.
The third is truth. Perhaps people tend to criticize their significant other most lovely in the area where they feel the deepest emotional needs. Their criticism is an ineffective way of pleading for love.
Doormat or Lover?
If you are a doormat you do things out of fear, guilt, and resentment. You can be a servant but not a lover. Manipulated by guilt, and coursed by fear is a lien to love. No one ever should be doormat. We may allow ourselves to be used, but we are creatures of emotion, thoughts, and desires. And we have the ability to make decisions and take action. Allowing oneself to be manipulated by another is not an act of love but an act of treason. Learning the love language AoS will require some of us to re-examine our stereotypes of the roles of husbands and wives. If this is an issue then we need to break the expectations when we realize how important it is to the other person. A willingness to examine and change stereotypes is necessary in order to express love more effectively. Remember, there are no rewards for maintaining stereotypes, but there are tremendous benefits to meeting the emotional needs of your spouse.
Love Language #5-Physical Touch
Physical touch (PT) is a way of communicating emotional love. Numerous research studies in the areas of child development have made the conclusion that babies who have are held, stroke, and kissed develop healthier emotional life than those that are left long periods without physical contact. PT is also a powerful vehicle for communicating paternal love. Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to your significant other.
The Power of Touch
Of the five senses, touching, unlike the other four, is not limited to one localized area of the body. Tiny tactile receptors are located throughout the body. When those receptors feel pressure, the nerves carry impulses to the brain. In other words, the brain interprets the sensation as a loving or hostile. The tactile receptors are not scattered evenly throughout the body but are arranged in clusters. For example the tip of the tongue is highly sensitive to touch whereas the back of the shoulders are the least sensitive. The purpose is to understand the psychological importance of touch.
PT can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love. In marriage, the touch of love can take many forms, however, not all touches are created equal. The best instructor is your partner. He or she knows best what they perceive as a loving touch. Do not insist on touching her or him in your way and your time. Learn to speak the person’s love dialect. When you touch the person he or she might find some uncomfortable or irritating. To insist on those kind of touches is the opposite of love. You are saying, “I am not sensitive to their needs and that you care little about the person’s perceptions of what is pleasant. In other words, don’t make the mistake of believing that the touch that brings you pleasure will also bring pleasure to her. Love touches may be explicit and demand your full attention, on the other hand, love touches may be implicit and require a moment.
Explicit love touching requires more time, not only in actual touching but in developing your understanding of how to communicate love to him or her this way. Another way to explore your partner’s body is to try touching him and new places and allow for feedback. Coming up with new ways and places to touch can be an exciting challenge. Implicit love touching requires less time but is still important to understand. For example putting your hand on their shoulder as you walk past each other. Another example of a well identified indication of love is setting up a kiss, every morning before it is time to go to work. It not only reminds oneself of the love but it is an automatic reminder of why you invest in each other.
The Body Is for Touching
To touch my body is to touch me and to withdraw from my body is to distance yourself from me emotionally. In our society, shaking hands is a way of communicating openness and social closeness to other individuals. All societies have some form of physical touching as a means of social greeting, however, there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to touch members of the opposite sex in every society. In recent news to sexual harassment has highlighted the inappropriate ways. CLEARLY, our bodies are for touching but NEVER for abuse. The emotional pain is deep and intimacy evaporates when we are aware our partner is involved with someone else sexually.
Crisis and Physical Touch
Almost instinctively in time of crisis we hugged one another. Why? Because PT is a powerful communicator of love. In a time of crisis we need to feel loved. We cannot always change events, but we can survive if we feel loved. All marriages experience crisis. The death of one’s parents, automobile accidents cripple and kill thousands each year, disease is no respecter of persons, and disappointments are a part of life. Crises provide a unique opportunity for expression love. A person’s tender touches will be remembered long after the crisis has passed but failure to touch may never be forgotten. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR MATE DURING THESE TRAGIC TIMES IS TO LOVE HIM OR HER.
I hope you enjoyed my synopsis of this fascinating book. I wish this could be a required book for everyone to read. It not only talks about love but how one should accept and receive this powerful emotion. One of my criticisms of this book is Dr. Chapman did not emphasize enough the complexity of love. The book helped show how I can be a better man and when the time comes a fantastic husband.